Fireworks
by Iforgotmyformerusername
Summary: Sometimes when one is already on edge, it's easy to be thrown into a full blown panic attack. Especially when there's an idiot who thought it'd be a good idea to bring fireworks to a party with people who are traumatised from the war. Most of them saw it coming. Bodhi did not. Luckily there are always friends around who are willing to help.


**Disclaimer: Star Wars and it's characters aren't mine and unfortunately never will be.**

 **However, any spelling or grammatical errors you see are my fault (or maybe the fault of the fact that I wasn't raised bilingual, I haven't yet decided), please let me know if you encounter something so I can correct it! Thank you!**

 **Enjoy :)**

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"Hey Bodhi! Wait up!"

Bodhi turned around and stopped walking when he saw Jyn jogging towards him. He had been on his way to the hangar to help repair some of the X-wings that had come back from battle, but he figured they could wait a moment. The death star had been destroyed, and the X-wings hadn't all made it out of the battle unscratched. It didn't really matter though, the whole Rebel Base was happy and joyful and not even a few damaged X-wings could dampen that mood. They had all worked so hard for the destruction of the death star, and even Bodhi couldn't help but feel happy that their mission to retrieve the plans hadn't been for nothing. They had finally done it.

He hadn't yet had the chance to talk to her about it, but Jyn seemed just as relieved as he did. "What an incredible news isn't it?" She began once she had caught up to him, a huge grin on her face. "I mean, can you believe it? Our so called suicide-mission actually tipped the scales in our advantage!"

Bodhi smiled back at her. "Indeed," he said, "Mon Mothma has no reason to be angry at us for it now."

Jyn snorted, "Heh, as if I cared if she still did. She hasn't got that kind of power over me." She elbowed Bodhi playfully, "Hey you are coming to the celebration tonight right? After all, you are also part of the reason that blasted thing is gone."

Bodhi felt a bit of pride at her words, he hadn't really done altogether that much, he thought, he had just tried to follow his heart, as Galen had told him. But it had still worked out, and now the death star was gone forever.

"Alright," he nodded, he figured a night celebrating with his friends wouldn't hurt. "I'll be there."

Jyn's smile widened, "Great!" She said, "I'll see you there!"

And with that she was off again, probably rounding up more friends to go to the celebration this night

 _ **...**_

Because of the huge amount of work that was required to get the X-wings to properly fly again, Bodhi had almost forgotten the celebration. But as soon as the last pilots in the hangar headed outside, he realised he had to go as well if he wanted to keep his promise to Jyn.

He followed the pilots to the small plaza where the party was held. Apparently it had started some time ago because the whole place was already crowded with rebels. He spotted Jyn at the left side of the plaza and started to walk to her. But when he saw she was talking to some commanding officer and waving her hands around in agitation, Bodhi thought it'd be best not to interrupt them. He didn't really feel like being in the line of fire when Jyn was angry, so he settled with a small wave, not really sure she'd see it.

Luckily, Jyn caught it and her face softened for a moment while she shot him a quick smile. That was quickly replaced by the a scowl however when the CO said something again. Bodhi grinned, he hadn't expected any less from her.

He walked towards one of the tables with food instead and took something that looked like it could be chocolate. He put it in his mouth and closed his eyes.

 _Hmm_ it really was chocolate, and not even the cheap kind either. He hadn't had that stuff in quite some time, maybe coming to the celebration had been a good idea after all, he mused.

He licked his lips and looked around in search of his other friends, he guessed they would be here as well, there was no way anyone could escape Jyn's pleading eyes. And indeed, not too far from the fountain in the middle of the plaza he saw them. K-2SO had gotten a hold on Baze's blaster and it seemed as though he and Cassian were admiring it. How the droid had managed to get it from the gruff guardian in the first place was a mystery, but Baze was watching every move K2 made with hawk eyes. Chirrut stood beside them, stuffing the same chocolate Bodhi had just tasted in his mouth, clearly enjoying every bite. Bodhi started towards them but only made it a few steps before he was stopped by a voice.

"Hey, you were the pilot right? Of Rogue One?"

Bodhi turned around to face the man. He hadn't seen him around before, but then again, the Rebel Alliance consisted of so many faces, he could hardly know them all.

"Hm, yes, I am" he corrected the man, "I _am_ the pilot."

The man raised his eyebrows for a moment but extended his hand. "Nice to meet you." He said. "I am Jahan"

Bodhi took Jahan's hand and shook it. "Bodhi Rook." He said, reaching up to his goggles to fix them. According to the others, it had become a bit of a nervous tick, but most of the time he wasn't even aware he was doing it.

"So," Jahan cleared his throat. "Formerly empire huh?"

Bodhi froze. He hadn't seen that one coming. This wasn't a topic he liked to discuss, and especially not with someone he barely knew. He wrung his hands and looked down at them. He had already had a few experiences with rebels who could not appreciate his defection.

But maybe Jahan hadn't meant ill, he told himself. Maybe he was just curious, he could understand that. He would probably be too if it had been the other way around. He wouldn't be going around asking about it though, but this man clearly didn't see why not.

It seemed he had taken too long to answer because Jahan looked at him. "Oh, I'm sorry if I've offended you," he said, "it's just, well, you've practically been raised by the empire right? To just suddenly decide you want to flip the coin..."

He let the rest of the sentence hang in mid-air, but it was all too clear to Bodhi what he had meant. Jahan didn't trust him. Not in the slightest. He could somehow understand that too, but it still stung. Had he not almost died trying to help the Alliance? Had he not withstood torture just so he could bring the Alliance the very knowledge that made them stand right here, right now? He fixed his goggles again, but not without noticing his shaking hands.

He tried to explain himself, even though the silent question had taken him completely by surprise. "I- em, I've never really approved of their actions but ah.." the words died on his lips as the man in front of him raised another eyebrow.

So far for trying to explain, he thought, and he knew he had to get out of here. He refused to have a panic attack when there were so many people around. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, grimacing, "I've got to go."

He swiftly turned around and forced himself to walk calmly. He could almost feel Jahan's eyes on him. He knew he had only deepened the man's distrust, but he also knew he was way too anxious right now to actually be able to do something about it. He shot a quick glance at his friends, it seemed Jyn had joined the rest of the crew. He had really wanted to celebrate with them, but Bodhi knew he had to go now if he wanted to stave off another panic attack. This party wasn't so fun anymore.

He hurried inside again through one of the side entrances of the base, avoiding the big entrances used by most people. Bodhi scanned around and found a quiet place in the corner of the room directly beside the hallway. If he moved one of the benches he could still watch over the plaza, but from a distance. There was a small chance someone would spot him through the window and an even smaller chance they would happen to walk past this corridor.

It was going okay, he thought. He was doing really well controlling his fear. He was still quite tense, but if he could just sit here on his own for a little while longer he would be fine.

Bodhi closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Some people or conversations always had that effect on him. He didn't really know where his anxiousness came from, it had been there as well when he was younger, but a lot less bad. Especially when it came to talking to people. All those years spend alone in a cargoship hadn't really helped either, Bodhi thought with a grimace, and neither did.. _that_ thing.

Just when he thought he was doing a good job calming himself down, a sudden and harsh BANG startled him tremendously. His eyes flew open and he looked around frantically. Somewhere in his brain he registered that it was only firework that was being lid up in the sky, but Bodhi's already panicking mind threw him back in time to a beachy planet where the exact same sounds could be heard.

Suddenly very scared, he stood up way too fast and tripped over the bench behind him. He scrambled to his feet and tried to ignore the fear clawing at his chest as he started to walk further into the building, away from the window, away from the firework.

 _It isn't real it isn't real, it is_ not _real._ He kept telling himself, but he had a hard time believing it.

So he walked a little bit faster. And a bit more. Eventually he was running into corridors unknown, hands clamped against his ears, trying to get as far away from the sounds as possible. He was getting farther and farther away but for some reason the pops and pangs and sizzles became louder and louder until he was sure he was surrounded by it.

And just like that, he was on Scarif again. Grenades exploding around him, comrades falling down to never get up again, worry and fear about his friends, have they fallen like that as well or are they still alive? And that deep terror inside his chest, clawing at his throat, pressing down on his windpipe. It all came rushing back again, and a blind panic threatened to take over.

 _No no no not this again I don't want to die yet, please please don't let me die, please don't._

His heart thumped in his chest as if it realised what was going on and was trying to flee as well.

Not knowing what he could do to make it all stop, he fled into the first room he came across. Bodhi didn't recognize the room, but it wasn't occupied and that was all he cared about. He quickly ran to safety behind the first thing he saw, a couch facing the far wall, convinced it would mean his death if he didn't. He stumbled on the ground, and with his back against the couch and his ears between his knees he started to rock back and forth, whimpering something even he didn't register.

The couch blocked him from the view of anyone in the corridor or doorstep and he hoped it would be enough to not get spotted and shot. Or worse. He knew what the empire did with defectors and it wasn't pretty. But he tried not to think about that. His racing heart and growing fear stopped him from thinking straight altogether, so he just sat there, rocking back and forth, scared to death of something that wasn't even reality anymore.

 _ **...**_

Of course it was Chirrut who found him there, mere minutes later, dragging Baze with him to the source of the distress he had felt. Bodhi only realised the guardian was there when the constant sound of his usual mantra finally became louder than what he thought were blaster shots.

The pilot was confused, how could Chirrut be so calm and collected while they were definitely under attack? Bodhi wanted to shout at him, tell him to run, to hide, anything! But he couldn't even open his eyes, let alone speak.

The monk must have sensed his confusion because the constant flow of words stopped momentarily and were replaced by something else. "It's alright my friend, you're safe, they can't harm you."

If anything, Bodhi's confusion grew even more, but he trusted Chirrut, and though still very much present, the terror he had felt eased away a bit. Eventually he even dared to open his eyes.

Chirrut was sitting in front of him, his hands on Bodhi's shoulders and a small smile formed on his lips. "See? You're alright, the battle is over."

Bodhi's eyes darted over to the figure who stood a bit farther away. Baze looked concerned, but upon seeing Bodhi looking at him he nodded slightly, as if to confirm his partner's words.

"I, I… what?" Bodhi stammered, still unsure what to make of the situation.

Baze answered for him. "You gave us quite a bit of a scare there pilot, running away like that."

Running away? By all means it didn't make sense, who wouldn't run when there were- Oh. Slowly but surely realisation dawned upon him, and memories returned, bringing him great relief.

Oh.

There was no battle at all. Scarif was in the past, these shots belonged to firework instead of blasters. He had panicked because there had been firework.

As soon as he fully realised what had happened he found that his initial relief was quickly replaced by shame. He had always been a little nervous, a little on edge, but since Scarif, no, since _Bor Gullet_ , he seemed to quickly lose his grip on reality. This wasn't the first time it had happened and he somehow always managed to involve his friends in his problems. How they had not yet grown tired of him he couldn't grasp.

Ashamed, he buried his face in his trembling hands again, not wanting to look either guardian in the eye. "Oh. The.. the celebration, of course, I'm sorry, I- I really am sorry, I'm-"

But Chirrut cut him off before he could apologize again, "There's no need to be ashamed my friend, it's really quite natural to get spooked out."

He had been a little more than spooked out, Bodhi thought, but didn't say anything. He was grateful for the presence of the two friends, Force knows how long he would've been here if not for them, but he felt guilty for it as well. They had been celebrating with the others before he had decided to just storm off and they had probably felt obliged to follow. And he had tried so hard to control his fear after his conversation with that man.

Chirrut rose to his feet and held out a hand. "I think it is time we went to bed hm? It's been quite a long day." His head tilted sideways for a second. "And we should probably take a look at that head of yours, you seem to have injured yourself."

Confused, Bodhi reached to his head and was surprised to feel the warmth and wetness of a fresh wound on the side of his head. He must have unconsciously scratched at it, he thought, but how the blind monk knew was beyond him.

He rose to shaky feet, taking the offered hand. "Thank you", he said quietly.

Baze took a step forward and looked at Bodhi's head. "Hm," he grumbled, "doesn't seem too bad, a bacta patch should fix it soon enough."

Chirrut hummed in agreement, "We probably still have some of those in our room. Let's go, it's cold in here anyway."

 _ **...**_

So not long after, Bodhi found himself sitting on the edge of the bed in Chirrut's and Baze's room, trying not to flinch as Baze fixed the scratches on his head. Chirrut sat the other side of the pilot, talking softly.

He was telling Bodhi about how Jyn and Cassian had been trying to out-drink each other at the celebration, with K2 keeping score. Except that K2 was clearly biased and making full advantage of the fact they were both tipsy, letting Jyn win every round. But according to Chirrut, even if Cassian had noticed, he hadn't seemed to care. There was definitely something growing between those two, the monk had said.

Bodhi was happy to listen to Chirrut's story, it distracted him from the pops of firework that could still be heard every now and then. He figured that that was probably the exact intention of the guardian.

"Alright," Baze finally said, standing up. He stowed the left over patches into the med-kit and put the kit in the cabinet again, "you're all patched up."

"Ah, thank you," Bodhi said and he carefully stood up as well, his legs still a bit shaky, and turned to face the guardians, "Thank you both, I'd, heh, I'd probably be still out there if not for you two." He smiled sheepishly "I think I'll be going to bed now, thanks again."

He was quite sure he wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon, but he didn't want to bother his two friends any more than he already had.

But as he turned and took a step towards the door, Chirrut's voice rang out and a hand on his arm stopped him.

"I don't believe it is smart for you to go out there and be on your own again." He said. "Why don't you stay here, you can sleep on our bed if you want to, Baze and I can camp out on the sofa over there, so you won't be alone."

Although the prospect of not being alone tonight sounded very appealing, Bodhi felt guilty already.

"Oh- oh I can't do that, I'll be fine, you probably want to return to the celebration again, so-" But Chirrut cut him off, "It's okay, it's not like I can actually see the fireworks anyway. Besides," He grinned "Baze is probably tired of describing them all to me, you'd actually be doing him a favour you know."

Baze huffed in response, but Bodhi noticed he didn't try to deny it.

He was still unsure of what to do, but, noticing his hesitation, Chirrut made the decision for him. With a hand still on Bodhi's arm, he steered him towards the bed. "Come now, you need your sleep."

Bodhi wanted to protest further, but he found he was actually too tired to start an argument he was likely to lose anyway. He did manage a weak "But I can sleep on the sofa as well." though.

He thought about all the times he had had to find a spot in the cockpit of his cargoship to sleep, there simply hadn't been room for a bed in there, and by staying in the cockpit he would immediately wake up if there was something wrong with the ship.

"I mean, I've slept on the ground multiple times as well, it's really not, not a problem."

"All the more reason you can get to sleep on something comfortable for once." For some reason Baze's usually gruff voice sounded softer than Bodhi ever remembered hearing it.

Reluctantly the pilot gave in, taking his goggles and shoes off and crawling under the soft blankets of the foreign bed. He was indeed exhausted. Panic attacks like these always sucked all the energy out of him.

Chirrut and Baze sat down on the sofa near the bed, taking one of the blankets with them. Close enough to notice if something happened, but far enough to give the pilot a bit of privacy.

Thoughts about what had happened and how he could have prevented it from happening kept Bodhi from falling asleep straight away, but he was calmed by the presence of his friends. As the sounds of the fireworks in the distance started to die out, he felt himself slowly succumbing to the soft call of sleep.

 _ **...**_

When Cassian and Jyn opened the door to Baze's and Chirrut's room a good few hours later in search of their friends, they found all three of them sound asleep. They shared a look, and with the knowledge their friends were okay both of them disappeared again, making their way to their own beds, knowing they'd probably regret their drinking game in the morning.

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 **Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I would be forever grateful if you could put a word or two in the comment box down here to let me know what you thought! Thank you! :)**


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